BOOKS

Books are my passion. I have written several and plan to have more before I’m finished. I love bookstores,  libraries, bookcases, and anyplace else the printed word may find a resting spot. I love to turn a page, fold a corner, underline passages that touch me and then write thoughts in the margin for later use.

With some hesitancy I began to publish my books as eBooks on the internet. I was assured this was a good way to reach more people, and it conserved on paper. I acquiesced, put my books as eBooks and found there was some truth to all these rumors.

Now I have a Kindle, which is a devise used by Amazon.com to publish and read eBooks. Honestly, I love my Kindle and take it with me everyplace I go. I have over 50 books in it which I can look at as I please.

Nevertheless, I still love to hold a book and turn the page. Some things just are too good to change. Want to hold a book and turn a page try my book Forever Yours (click here) d1f28-forever2byurs2bcover

 

Choices

Almost daily, as therapist, we both deal with clients who have a common problem. They are in love with being a victim. This is not only a crippling position for relationships, but it is the epitome of a life that is stuck and sinking rapidly.

What is a victim? The easiest understanding of victim thinking is this: Who or what do you blame for the circumstances in your life? A victim will find outside people, places, or events to blame for their current problems or life trouble. A healthy, non-victim will realize that all life is simply a series of choices and our place in our life today is a result of choices we made yesterday.

A client presented a problem to us concerning a relationship she was having with a man she was dating for some time. She believed the problem was his request for her to spend more time with his family as they were a very important part of his life.  She was an only child in a tremendously dysfunctional family, and had no desire to be involved in his “family” functions. This dilemma had been going on for months and was beginning to take a toll on the relationship. She felt that he was being way too dogmatic and was ruining her life and their future.

The victim thinking she presented was simply “He is wrong and is destroying my life.” Our position was, “you have made a choice to be with this man even though he clearly told you he wanted a close relationship with his family. It is your choice to stay with him and he is not ruining your life. Your choice is simply not one that fits into your expectations.

As always, when we confront a victim with a sense of reality, the client has a tendency to dislike our input, and often responds with anger.  Most victim thinkers will respond with anger if they are made to be accountable for their own lives.   What is your thinking about your current (or past ) relationship? Are you blaming your partner for your discomfort, or do you take responsibility for your choices?

Examples:

  1. He doesn’t seem to care about what I want. He makes me so angry.
  2. She is so demanding. No matter what I do it is not good enough. She make me unhappy.
  3.  He is a slob and never picks up after himself. He drives me crazy.

Why are these victim thoughts – because no person can make us feel or act in ways that are negative unless we allow them to do it.  If the person is doing something I don’t like, then I have a choice. If I stay in the relationship, then I better just get used to the thing I don’t like. If I really can’t stand it, then make a choice to get out of the relationship, but don’t blame them for your emotions. It is simply your choice. The choices we made yesterday provide the life we experience today.

Let us know what you think about this, but don’t get angry, that is how a victim would react, and you don’t want to be a victim.   Dr. Jan and Dr. T

One of my books, Off The Hook, explores this type of choice and the difficulties of not playing “Victim” in daily life.   Click here to see more information.

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Giving Thanks

thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks. Lot of people are complaining about a lot of things and I hope they can give it a rest on Thanksgiving. I have to consciously remind myself that today is a great day. It is the only today I will ever have because it will become yesterday when I reach tomorrow.

 I have concluded if I spend too much time thinking about yesterday, I will not enjoy today.

 On the other hand, if I spend all my time worrying about tomorrow, I will once again not enjoy today. 

So my intention is to simply enjoy today! So far – so good. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I am also thankful for the privilege of being able to write books others can read. If you have spare time, check out my books and audiobooks (click here)

What is, is

Listened to some people the other day as they talked about their lives.

Seemed to me they were spending a lot of time worrying about what might happen in the future. When they stopped they filled the remaining spaces being depressed about what had happened in the past.

I decided two things;

 1. I didn’t want to listen to them anymore

 2. It is a lot better if we just live with three words;  What is, is.

Can’t change the past, and sure don’t know what the future holds, but I do know right now; what is, is. j-and-t

    And as far as I’m concerned; it is good!

 

 

 

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I wrote a book called Forever Yours. It is about a couple who meet in the 60’s and spend their journey together finding out how to remain loving and content as they face the trials and uncertainties of the evolving American dream. Jeff finds his voice in a society undergoing a cultural and emotional revolution. Beth embraces the new independence of the modern woman. Their love grows until in the end, not even death can keep them apart. Click here to see more on Amazon.

 

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Wisdom

barber

Went to get my hair cut the other day, which is always an experience. The haircut isn’t the problem, it’s the lecture and profound dissertation my barber always provides during the haircut. 

I mean, there I am, at his mercy and he is the one with sharp instruments in his hand. I sit and agree with whatever he says, for I value my head and everything attached to it.

The old comedian George Burns once said it was too bad  all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair. My barber would agree with that thought.

It is fascinating how someone who seems to have such little experience with life can have such large thoughts on what is wrong with the world and what needs to be done to fix it. I won’t even bother to share his thoughts, they are so far out it is impossible to characterize them. 

Plato once said “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something”.

But one thing I do know about my friendly barber, he gives a good haircut, so I’ll go back again. 

Looking for a good read to avoid your barbers thoughts? Try this link.

BOOK FLYER

New Orleans Inspiration

As a writer I find I have to make trips to certain areas to receive inspiration for new thoughts new orleansand plots. One of my favorite places for this is New Orleans Louisiana, a part of America that is different than anyplace in the country. History shows the territory was run mostly by the Spanish, but the impact of the French is found throughout the region, mostly due to the impact of French Canadians in the early years of New Orleans development. Then there is the strong influence of the Caribbean Island reflecting the days when the city was a major port for slavery. In my book “Hook, Line and Sinker”, Steve Sanders, one of the main characters describes New Orleans as follows:

A block away I heard the “clang, clang, clang” of the big green trolley as it moved down St. Charles Street toward the divide through New Orleans. This was definitely a crazy town with a flavor unlike any place I’ve ever lived. Often called “The Big Easy”, a title reflecting the almost daily party-like atmosphere perpetrated by the inhabitants, the city replicates a culture and heritage not found in the remainder of the country. As a person raised in the eastern section of the USA, I pictured my country’s history through the eyes of our ancestors who landed on Plymouth Rock, declared our independence in Philadelphia, fought the British in Boston and then spread out over a semi-inhabited land to establish America.

New Orleans is from a very different background and provides an abundance of history and culture, proving that my eastern America understanding was very presumptive. Created by the French, run periodically by the Spanish, inhabited by Canadians, molded by the Caribbean and planted in the south, it is a part of America truly declaring its own independence.

The afternoon breeze pushed through the banana palms with the promise of a cooling afternoon rain on this hot August day, a welcome relief in this tropical part of southern Louisiana. The air was filled with the smell of magnolias and gardenias reminiscent of a beautiful woman fresh from a long shower. The intense green of the tropical foliage seemed to have a strength and beauty not found in more urban parts of the world, and it all blended together in a rather mesmerizing place known simply as New Orleans.

So I, like Steve, am in need of New Orleans and thus I am going. It is French Quarter Festival time and I need to be inspired.

Gary “US” Bonds wrote a song that goes:

“Every Southern belle is a Mississippi queen,

Down the Mississippi,

Down in New Orleans.

Come on take a stroll down to Basin Street

And listen to the music with the Dixieland beat.

The magnolia blossoms fill the air

And if you ain’t been to heaven, then you ain’t been there.”

If you cant make it to New Orleans, you can catch some of it in my book “Hook, Line and Sinker.”

Check it out (click here).final cover

Inspiration

inspiration

Inspiration –

I was looking at a very peaceful location deep in the inland waters of southern Long Island NY. The vivid green of the marsh grass contrasted brilliantly with the light blue sky and the deep blue waters. The sun played a melody, which wove these natural tapestries into a very inspiring atmosphere. And what was my inspired thought –“I wonder if I could hide a dead body in the grass or would it float out at high tide?”

I worry about me sometimes. Everything seems to turn into a plot in a book.

Talking to a friend about an Irish police chief he once knew who danced an Irish jig when he was under pressure. Yep, that character worked his way into my book Signal 30.

My wife shared some thought she had on Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and that conversation turned into my book PSYCH.

Went on a beautiful trip to Mexico and the beach ended up in a new book I am writing.

I’m happy to be inspired, but I often wish I could just enjoy what is going on without trying to make it a book. Wait – maybe I could write about someone who writes a blog and then ends up living out everything he writes – oh, oh. Just did it again.

Any thoughts on inspiration?