BOOKS

Books are my passion. I have written several and plan to have more before I’m finished. I love bookstores,  libraries, bookcases, and anyplace else the printed word may find a resting spot. I love to turn a page, fold a corner, underline passages that touch me and then write thoughts in the margin for later use.

With some hesitancy I began to publish my books as eBooks on the internet. I was assured this was a good way to reach more people, and it conserved on paper. I acquiesced, put my books as eBooks and found there was some truth to all these rumors.

Now I have a Kindle, which is a devise used by Amazon.com to publish and read eBooks. Honestly, I love my Kindle and take it with me everyplace I go. I have over 50 books in it which I can look at as I please.

Nevertheless, I still love to hold a book and turn the page. Some things just are too good to change. Want to hold a book and turn a page try my book Forever Yours (click here) d1f28-forever2byurs2bcover

 

Choices

Almost daily, as therapist, we both deal with clients who have a common problem. They are in love with being a victim. This is not only a crippling position for relationships, but it is the epitome of a life that is stuck and sinking rapidly.

What is a victim? The easiest understanding of victim thinking is this: Who or what do you blame for the circumstances in your life? A victim will find outside people, places, or events to blame for their current problems or life trouble. A healthy, non-victim will realize that all life is simply a series of choices and our place in our life today is a result of choices we made yesterday.

A client presented a problem to us concerning a relationship she was having with a man she was dating for some time. She believed the problem was his request for her to spend more time with his family as they were a very important part of his life.  She was an only child in a tremendously dysfunctional family, and had no desire to be involved in his “family” functions. This dilemma had been going on for months and was beginning to take a toll on the relationship. She felt that he was being way too dogmatic and was ruining her life and their future.

The victim thinking she presented was simply “He is wrong and is destroying my life.” Our position was, “you have made a choice to be with this man even though he clearly told you he wanted a close relationship with his family. It is your choice to stay with him and he is not ruining your life. Your choice is simply not one that fits into your expectations.

As always, when we confront a victim with a sense of reality, the client has a tendency to dislike our input, and often responds with anger.  Most victim thinkers will respond with anger if they are made to be accountable for their own lives.   What is your thinking about your current (or past ) relationship? Are you blaming your partner for your discomfort, or do you take responsibility for your choices?

Examples:

  1. He doesn’t seem to care about what I want. He makes me so angry.
  2. She is so demanding. No matter what I do it is not good enough. She make me unhappy.
  3.  He is a slob and never picks up after himself. He drives me crazy.

Why are these victim thoughts – because no person can make us feel or act in ways that are negative unless we allow them to do it.  If the person is doing something I don’t like, then I have a choice. If I stay in the relationship, then I better just get used to the thing I don’t like. If I really can’t stand it, then make a choice to get out of the relationship, but don’t blame them for your emotions. It is simply your choice. The choices we made yesterday provide the life we experience today.

Let us know what you think about this, but don’t get angry, that is how a victim would react, and you don’t want to be a victim.   Dr. Jan and Dr. T

One of my books, Off The Hook, explores this type of choice and the difficulties of not playing “Victim” in daily life.   Click here to see more information.

Cover_for_Kindle2

Giving Thanks

thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks. Lot of people are complaining about a lot of things and I hope they can give it a rest on Thanksgiving. I have to consciously remind myself that today is a great day. It is the only today I will ever have because it will become yesterday when I reach tomorrow.

 I have concluded if I spend too much time thinking about yesterday, I will not enjoy today.

 On the other hand, if I spend all my time worrying about tomorrow, I will once again not enjoy today. 

So my intention is to simply enjoy today! So far – so good. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I am also thankful for the privilege of being able to write books others can read. If you have spare time, check out my books and audiobooks (click here)

What is, is

Listened to some people the other day as they talked about their lives.

Seemed to me they were spending a lot of time worrying about what might happen in the future. When they stopped they filled the remaining spaces being depressed about what had happened in the past.

I decided two things;

 1. I didn’t want to listen to them anymore

 2. It is a lot better if we just live with three words;  What is, is.

Can’t change the past, and sure don’t know what the future holds, but I do know right now; what is, is. j-and-t

    And as far as I’m concerned; it is good!

 

 

 

d1f28-forever2byurs2bcover

 

I wrote a book called Forever Yours. It is about a couple who meet in the 60’s and spend their journey together finding out how to remain loving and content as they face the trials and uncertainties of the evolving American dream. Jeff finds his voice in a society undergoing a cultural and emotional revolution. Beth embraces the new independence of the modern woman. Their love grows until in the end, not even death can keep them apart. Click here to see more on Amazon.

 

I

 

Wisdom

barber

Went to get my hair cut the other day, which is always an experience. The haircut isn’t the problem, it’s the lecture and profound dissertation my barber always provides during the haircut. 

I mean, there I am, at his mercy and he is the one with sharp instruments in his hand. I sit and agree with whatever he says, for I value my head and everything attached to it.

The old comedian George Burns once said it was too bad  all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair. My barber would agree with that thought.

It is fascinating how someone who seems to have such little experience with life can have such large thoughts on what is wrong with the world and what needs to be done to fix it. I won’t even bother to share his thoughts, they are so far out it is impossible to characterize them. 

Plato once said “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something”.

But one thing I do know about my friendly barber, he gives a good haircut, so I’ll go back again. 

Looking for a good read to avoid your barbers thoughts? Try this link.

BOOK FLYER

Vacations

The other day I talked to a woman living in Missouri  who shared she and her family were going to Florida for a vacation. They were going to spend a week at the beach in Florida and were very excited. Sounded like a good plan and I was happy for her.

Then I talked to a man in Florida who told me he was going to Missouri for a vacation with his family. They were going to the Lake of the Ozark’s to be on the beach for a week and they were very excited.

I guess when we go on vacation it isn’t the location that’s important, it’s simply being someplace else. Nevertheless, it seems it would have been a lot easier if they had each stayed home, but probably not as much fun.

Want some great vacation fun – try my series about a former FBI agent who is out to rescue the world. Well she is out to do a lot of things but the world may be a little too big. CATCH AND RELEASE is a top award winner in many contest and the new sequel HOOK LINE AND SINKER already won in the 2016 South Eastern Book Festival. Check it out here (click here).

caech hook cov

 

Enjoy the Journey

I was watching a man in a kayak the other day. The tide was going out and he was trying to come in, without much luck.

He would paddle for all he was worth, and make some headway, then when he had to rest, he went backward to where he started.

I’ve been there several times in my life, not in a kayak, just in circumstances.

When I was younger, I used to think I had to paddle harder, but I never seemed to get where I wanted.

Now life has taught me to pull over to the side, enjoy the day and wait for the tide to change.

Seem to be getting where I want to go a lot faster and with a lot more fun.

In my book FOREVER YOURS, a couple explores the adventure of life from college in the 60’s to retirement in the 2000’s. Of all my books, this is the one I enjoyed writing the most as it was about my generation’s journey. Take a look at Amazon to see all my books. BookCoverPreview.do